As we get older and we begin dating, we start to question this reality. When we find ourselves single in our thirties or older, or recovering from a breakup, and the idea of the perfect someone is quickly called into question. After all, if they really were perfect for us, wouldn’t they have found us already? Well, no, not exactly.

What Makes Someone Perfect For Us?

There is no denying that there are people we are better suited to than others, you only need to go on one bad date to know that. However, that doesn’t mean that we all need to be looking for the same perfect someone. Instead of looking for the perfect person, we need to look for the perfect someone for us. This doesn’t mean someone who ticks every box and does no wrong, it means someone who shares similar goals and desires; someone we can build a life and grow with, someone we want to spend time with, someone we can share our thoughts and feelings with.

A lot of people focus on finding their ideal match in terms of what they look like, the job they have and what they have achieved in life. If you’re especially picky, you may factor where they are from or their financial standing in as well. Instead, you should be focusing on finding someone whose personality compliments yours and who wants similar things out of life.

Think about it, it’s much more important to find someone who shares your views on having children than it is to find someone who has the same favourite movie as you. It’s much more important to find someone who has similar interests to you, than it is to find someone who graduated with a specific degree from a specific university. You may have an idea of who the perfect someone is, but you can’t rule anyone out.

Should We Be Compromising on Perfection?

Too many people go into the world of dating with a clear idea of what they want and though it’s good to know what you are looking for in a partner, you need to be prepared to compromise. This doesn’t mean settling for less than you deserve, it means being open to the idea that the perfect someone may not be who you were expecting.

They can be perfect for you in the way they make you feel, the joy they bring you and the life goals they share. They may not share your love of going to the theatre or eating specific cuisine, but does that mean they’re not your perfect someone? No, as long as they embrace your likes and you embrace theirs. Many experts would agree that a little imperfection is key to a healthy relationship.

Being someone’s perfect someone is much more than being perfect on paper, it’s all about chemistry and making the relationship work in the long run. Relationships do require a certain level of compromise from both parties, but this shouldn’t take away from you feeling as though someone is perfect for you. You can compromise and ask someone to compromise, whilst still being a perfect match. A lot of people spend their time dating searching for someone who is just like them, only to realise the perfect someone is the exact opposite.

They say opposites attract and there is some truth to it, so be open to this possibility when you are looking for your perfect someone.

[Asian Matchmaking, Asian Dating, No Algorithms No Games]

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As a result, by understanding how you can look after your emotional well-being you can move forward and continue to enjoy wonderful, successful relationships.

Read my 5 Top Tips on strategies to help cope with break-ups:-

1. If you can’t accept it you can’t erase it! Make peace with the situation

You’ve probably replayed the situation hundreds of times in your mind and thinking about what you could have said or done to change things. You cannot go back in time. No amount of continuous replay of events is going to change the situation. Thus the only way to gain freedom from overthinking is for you to accept that it has happened.

2. Take responsibility for your part in the break-up

This is an important part in resolving any type of conflict and requires emotional strength and honesty. The truth is not always something we want to own up to but when we take responsibility for our actions and inactions contributing to the relationship breakdown, the healing process can begin. Therefore instead of attributing blame, look at what lessons you can learn from the experience to avoid the same mistake happening again.

3. Forgive yourself and your partner

Anger and resentment are very powerful emotions that, if harboured long enough, can make us physically sick. It doesn’t help to think negatively of your ex and wishing ill of them. Forgive yourself for doing anything you didn’t do with malicious intent. This will help change the way you feel internally. Ask yourself what is the best loving action or thought you can do for yourself to feel better? Do something kind for yourself each day. By working on your own self-forgiveness you are more likely to show compassion to your ex in the future.

4. Heal in baby steps

Be patient with your feelings. You’ve been through emotional turmoil so allow yourself to feel your emotions. Crying is a healthy way of detoxifying stored emotions. Daily affirmations work well if you choose statements which resonate with you. Try these to begin with: “Day by day I am feeling better and better”; “I allow myself to feel this sadness” and “It’s ok to feel this way.”

5. Be patient with yourself

Remember, you can’t turn your feelings off overnight, so don’t be surprised if you find your emotions flitting from high to low. Don’t be disappointed that you’re not “over your ex” several weeks later. It can take a long time to recover from a breakup. But it can also be an opportunity to be you again and to reinvent yourself to the world.

By Health & Lifestyle Coach, Chiedu Hing 

The post Mending a Broken Heart appeared first on Project 143.

The thing about first dates is they’re part of a trial and error process. Sometimes we just can’t help things failing – whether it be a lack of chemistry, awkward silences or just saying something completely moronic.

Is there a way to redeem yourself after a bad date?  I had an Asian client recently who’d pursued a lady for a long time.  He was thrilled when she agreed to go for drinks with him and tried his best to make a great first impression. Unfortunately, half way through (and after such a good start) he made a joke which had clearly insulted her, and for the rest of the evening there was a frosty atmosphere. Afterwards, he continued pursuing – trying to undo the damage he had inadvertently created – but he was unsuccessful and I had to tell him to stop contacting her.

The point of the story is that sometimes you just have to accept failure and move on. If there was such a great connection in the first place, would she really have broken it off over one bad joke?

It’s even worse if you thought the date went great, never to hear from that person again. Rejection can really be a kick to your confidence. Consider these ways to deal with a bad first date instead of turning to tissues and ice-cream:

Don’t panic and rethink

Chill out and ask yourself: how do you think the date went? Did you talk a lot or was there silences? Did you check your phone too much or say anything inappropriate?

Be honest with yourself

If you gave it your best, maybe it was your date who put a downer on it? Maybe there was just no spark between you. If the problem wasn’t you, there’s not much you can do to correct it.

Put things into perspective

If you know you acted in a way you are not happy with, text or call and apologise. You are not perfect, no one is.

Don’t get clingy If contact has taken a nose-dive, don’t chase too much or demand attention. Give your date some space, keep busy and see what happens when you reach out again after a week or two.

Analyse the ending

Think about the end of the date.

Were you happy/unhappy it ended? Did your date say they would call/text you? Did they seem keen to see you again? Was there a hug or kiss goodbye? If it seemed to go well, and you haven’t heard back, perhaps they just got busy and feel too bad now to contact you at all.

If you haven’t heard from your date after a while, just reach out and say hello. There’s no harm in being friendly and there’s nothing to lose.

The most important thing I can tell you if things don’t work out is simply to learn from your mistakes and move on.  Get yourself back out dating again and you never know what might happen.

Remember – there’s not really such a thing as a “bad date” as you’ll be able to have a funny story to tell your friends.

Happy dating

James

James Preece is one of the UK’s leading Dating Experts and has over a decade of experience helping bring singles together. If you are interested in getting some personal dating coaching from James, you can find out more about him HERE

By Dating Expert James Preece

The post How to recover from a bad date appeared first on Project 143.