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Mending a Broken Heart

Break-ups are hard, complex and extremely sad situations. We’ve all been there at one stage in our life, where we can’t see past it, feeling emotionally paralysed. Yet as I explain to my clients, the more you think, and the more you cry, the more the cycle continues. Consequently, you will end up creating a new blueprint for your future relationships based on the fear of being hurt again. When you experience a hurt it gets ‘stored’ in your limbic brain (the emotional centre) which replays over and over again, when triggered by a similar experience. Thus the negative impact of this is that when you are ready to move on, there is a part of you which is still living in the past.

As a result, by understanding how you can look after your emotional well-being you can move forward and continue to enjoy wonderful, successful relationships.

Read my 5 Top Tips on strategies to help cope with break-ups:-

  1. If you can’t accept it you can’t erase it! Make peace with the situation

You’ve probably replayed the situation hundreds of times in your mind and thinking about what you could have said or done to change things. You cannot go back in time. No amount of continuous replay of events is going to change the situation. Thus the only way to gain freedom from overthinking is for you to accept that it has happened.

  1. Take responsibility for your part in the break-up

This is an important part in resolving any type of conflict and requires emotional strength and honesty. The truth is not always something we want to own up to but when we take responsibility for our actions and inactions contributing to the relationship breakdown, the healing process can begin. Therefore instead of attributing blame, look at what lessons you can learn from the experience to avoid the same mistake happening again.

  1. Forgive yourself and your partner

Anger and resentment are very powerful emotions that, if harboured long enough, can make us physically sick. It doesn’t help to think negatively of your ex and wishing ill of them. Forgive yourself for doing anything you didn’t do with malicious intent. This will help change the way you feel internally. Ask yourself what is the best loving action or thought you can do for yourself to feel better? Do something kind for yourself each day. By working on your own self-forgiveness you are more likely to show compassion to your ex in the future.

  1. Heal in baby steps

Be patient with your feelings. You’ve been through emotional turmoil so allow yourself to feel your emotions. Crying is a healthy way of detoxifying stored emotions. Daily affirmations work well if you choose statements which resonate with you. Try these to begin with: “Day by day I am feeling better and better”; “I allow myself to feel this sadness” and “It’s ok to feel this way.”

  1. Be patient with yourself

Remember, you can’t turn your feelings off overnight, so don’t be surprised if you find your emotions flitting from high to low. Don’t be disappointed that you’re not “over your ex” several weeks later. It can take a long time to recover from a breakup. But it can also be an opportunity to be you again and to reinvent yourself to the world.

By Health & Lifestyle Coach, Chiedu Hing 

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