As we get older and we begin dating, we start to question this reality. When we find ourselves single in our thirties or older, or recovering from a breakup, and the idea of the perfect someone is quickly called into question. After all, if they really were perfect for us, wouldn’t they have found us already? Well, no, not exactly.

What Makes Someone Perfect For Us?

There is no denying that there are people we are better suited to than others, you only need to go on one bad date to know that. However, that doesn’t mean that we all need to be looking for the same perfect someone. Instead of looking for the perfect person, we need to look for the perfect someone for us. This doesn’t mean someone who ticks every box and does no wrong, it means someone who shares similar goals and desires; someone we can build a life and grow with, someone we want to spend time with, someone we can share our thoughts and feelings with.

A lot of people focus on finding their ideal match in terms of what they look like, the job they have and what they have achieved in life. If you’re especially picky, you may factor where they are from or their financial standing in as well. Instead, you should be focusing on finding someone whose personality compliments yours and who wants similar things out of life.

Think about it, it’s much more important to find someone who shares your views on having children than it is to find someone who has the same favourite movie as you. It’s much more important to find someone who has similar interests to you, than it is to find someone who graduated with a specific degree from a specific university. You may have an idea of who the perfect someone is, but you can’t rule anyone out.

Should We Be Compromising on Perfection?

Too many people go into the world of dating with a clear idea of what they want and though it’s good to know what you are looking for in a partner, you need to be prepared to compromise. This doesn’t mean settling for less than you deserve, it means being open to the idea that the perfect someone may not be who you were expecting.

They can be perfect for you in the way they make you feel, the joy they bring you and the life goals they share. They may not share your love of going to the theatre or eating specific cuisine, but does that mean they’re not your perfect someone? No, as long as they embrace your likes and you embrace theirs. Many experts would agree that a little imperfection is key to a healthy relationship.

Being someone’s perfect someone is much more than being perfect on paper, it’s all about chemistry and making the relationship work in the long run. Relationships do require a certain level of compromise from both parties, but this shouldn’t take away from you feeling as though someone is perfect for you. You can compromise and ask someone to compromise, whilst still being a perfect match. A lot of people spend their time dating searching for someone who is just like them, only to realise the perfect someone is the exact opposite.

They say opposites attract and there is some truth to it, so be open to this possibility when you are looking for your perfect someone.

[Asian Matchmaking, Asian Dating, No Algorithms No Games]

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Some reports suggest a six month milestone. Other reports say it’s when couples meet the parents.

But what happens when you pass the six month period? What if you haven’t said or heard those words yet? Should you worry?

No! Absolutely not!

As an asian dating professional, I say, there are NO rules!

Here are 5 things I recommend you to remember about those famous words:-

1. Say “I love you” when you mean it

First of all, you shouldn’t say “I love you” unless you mean it.

And if you mean it, then you should say it – a LOT!

2. Timing ISN’T Important…

Whilst some people stress the importance of timing, for example, ‘go on at least ‘x’ many dates’, or ‘never say it first’, is timing really more important than honesty and self-disclosure?

However, in my professional opinion, there is no precise formula for when to say “I love you.”

As such, you should say it whenever you feel that way, without making calculations about timing.

Thus when love at first sight happens, you SHOULD say “I love you”. You are just expressing how you feel at the moment. There is nothing wrong with that. Because disclosing your emotions is honest, and honesty is great!

3. … But Time IS!

On the other hand, time is key in your relationship, not timing.

What do I mean?

In short, time will impact significantly upon its duration, frequency, and development. Time may also increase trust and honesty between partners. In short, true, meaningful love needs time to develop.

As I explained in Rule 2, whilst it’s normal to say “I love you” after a short time, if it feels right, it isn’t a good idea to say “I love you” after a fleeting moment.

This could imply that you are not really serious about what is in fact a serious matter. You may say that you see great potential for the relationship to grow. Remember, we can recognise potential. We cannot recognise or guarantee its inevitable implementation.

Bottom line, love over time enhances trust and honesty between partners.

4. Should you respond?

My clients ask me if and how, and if, they should respond to “I love you”.

First of all, you don’t have to tell someone that you love them just because they have told you how they feel.

Unless you are 100% sure of your feelings,  say that although right now you do not know whether you love them, you do know that you like them a lot.

Explain that you want to get to know them better, and that you want to give the relationship a chance to grow. This is genuine and heartfelt.

It does not matter who says “I love you” first, or who says it more frequently.

Remember, what really counts is the sincerity and depth of your relationship and how it develops.

5. Actions speak louder than words

Finally, the words “I love you” can also be demonstrated in actions, as well as words.

Couples often express love through everyday actions. This includes things like the receipt and acknowledgment of your partner’s acts of love, their gestures of kindness, generosity and attention.

Hence if you ever start to worry that you haven’t heard “I love you” recently from your partner, take note if they’re showing their love in any of those amazing day-to-day actions.

The post When should you say “I love you” appeared first on Project 143.

As a professional South Asian matchmaker, a question asked by my newly single clients is, ‘When should I introduce my new partner to my kids?’

First of all, I always tell people looking for partners that there is no need to introduce the kids to all your dates!

You should only introduce this new person to children if it’s going somewhere. Why do I say this?

Because if a child has seen a parent’s response to an unsuccessful previous relationship, they will be super protective. In short, they won’t be open to a new partner. Consequently, take your time when you make the introduction.

As such, here are my 5 Tips for introducing your new partner to your kids:-

1. Timing

A child’s response to divorce or separation is not easy to understand.

They need time to adjust to the split.

They may be angry, sad or frightened about the future.

Introducing your children too soon to your date could add complications to their adjustment to divorce or separation.

As a result, waiting will pay off for everyone in the long run.

Take it slow…

2. Collaborate with your kids

Firstly, talk to your children.

Explain that you are dating someone whom you care about, and that you’d like to introduce them.

Furthermore ask them how they feel. Do they have any questions?

In addition, reassure them that your partner or date will not replace their other parent. Your relationship with your kids won’t change.

Many young children may be confused to know that there is someone new on the scene.

Moreover, they may be angry or feel rejected. You need to address these fears and concerns.

And tell them that your relationship remains a priority.

Finally, ask for your kids’ feedback about how and when they first meet your new partner. Don’t just arrange something without letting their knowledge.

3. Be Realistic

What’s more, be realistic about your children’s acceptance of your new partner.

You may be captivated, but your children may not feel the same!

4. Talk to Your Partner

Similarly, talk to your new partner about your child/children and your family life.

Tell them about your child’s fears and their response to past liaisons.

And inform them about your child’s relationship with the other parent.

Hence, let them know that they need to accept and include your children as part of your friendship.

Nevertheless, they also need to know that children may still be adjusting to the situation.

So before introducing the children discuss the nature of your bond with them.

Ask them, ‘where it is going?’

Most of all, what role do they want to have in their lives?

5. Think peace – not war!

Finally, aim to bring peace not war to the introduction!

Only introduce a new partnership into your children’s lives if it is going to also bring them love and stability.

Avoid overly complicated or stressful relationships.

Until they are resolved, keep them away from the children.

Most of all, remember it’s unfair to expect a children who have lost one parent through divorce or bereavement to do so again.

But all couples are prone to arguments and stress, and sadly kids can sometimes get caught up in it.

However, this should only be sometimes, not all the time.

[Asian dating | Asian matchmaking UK – Project 143]

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I read today that saying ‘thank you’ to your partner may be the secret to having a better relationship. I totally agree with the journalist behind the survey, Janice Kaplan, who helped conduct a survey about Americans’ gratitude habits. The results? While 97 percent of respondents said they regularly thanked  partners, only 48 percent of women responded that they regularly thanked their husbands.

I am not entirely surprised by the results from reports like this. Let’s face it, we all know the impact of showing just a little kindness and thoughtfulness.

Research has shown that people who feel grateful for interactions with their loved ones have a stronger connection and feeling of satisfaction in the relationships. Other reports have shown that the more grateful a couple reports being, the more likely they are to stay together.

I will always remember reading a Spanish proverb, “He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” I couldn’t agree more! This is so true in relationships and marriage; small acts of kindness really can go a long way with people. If you’ve seen Jennifer Aniston in ‘The Break Up’ you will remember when she says she would have appreciated it if her husband had bought her some flowers. She had gone out of her way to make dinner for him after a really hard day at work. The flowers would have been that ‘something small’ that would have been ‘oh so big’ to her. They would have shown that her husband really cared about his wife.

So what are the other things that partners can do to enjoy a great relationship with each other? Here are my 4 tips for a successful relationship that I share with clients as a professional matchmaker:-

1. Listen

For me, listening to each other is THE number one secret to a healthy, happy partnership between two people. We all need to be listened to in order to be understood and valued. It’s when we aren’t listened to by our loved ones, that misunderstandings occur. And what is a possible impact of a misunderstanding? An argument!

In order to really listen properly, it’s important to look at your partner when they talk. But to be a really good listener, it’s important not to talk over or interrupt your partner. It can take some people time to break this habit so you need to be patient and allow your partner to take as much time as they need to talk.

2. Make Time for each other

I know we are all on the go and there don’t seem to be enough hours in the day, but if you don’t spend any time together alone as a couple then you are more likely to drift apart, sorry. Relationships need regular contact to work. Did you know that Paul and Linda McCartney spent every day together in their 29 year marriage and there were only 11 days when they didn’t spend the night together! There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you spend time together without any interruption, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s good times and the not-so-good times too.

3. Honesty is key

You may share with your partner the things they may not want to hear. But better this than to have him or her doubt your honesty! Mistrust is one of the key relationship deal breakers. Once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it and get back on track. The happiest couples I know are the ones where honesty is as natural and instinctive as walking or breathing.

4. Focus on what they do right not what they do wrong

Positive reinforcement is a technique used with children and it holds its own with adults too. These being the case, compliment your partner when they deserve it. Try not to look for things they do wrong. Be on the look out to appreciate the great things your partner does because when you notice them, it will encourage them to reciprocate by doing good things for you in return. It creates a positive upward spiral. And when people are appreciated this leads to admiration. And when you admire someone, it’s really easy get along with them.

What are your secrets to a strong relationship? Share them with Project 143 on Facebook or Twitter!

[Asian dating | Asian matchmaking UK – Project 143]

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