Play easy-to-get or hard-to-get on a date? No! Likeability is key
As a professional matchmaker, my friends and clients ask me if playing hard to get on dates, a ‘good’ thing to do? Some dating and relationship advice can conflict about this. For example, some advice suggests that people should ‘play hard to get’ in order to increase attraction and desire. Other advice suggests people should be more direct and straightforward in order to build a sense of trust from the start.
Is there any value in playing hard to get, and is easy-to-get really all that bad?
I know from experience that being on the receiving end of someone else’s aloof and uncertain signals does increase a sense of desire and excitement. Easy-to-get and hard-to-get strategies have opposite effects on emotions.
When we are engaged and interested on the date (easy to get) we are more positive and likeable. Individuals who are detached and non-engaging (hard to get), create more interest and desire. The strategy that made the person more likeable was not the same as the strategy that got them picked for a date or relationship.
Why having the right conditions is key
When you play hard to get it will only work under the right conditions. Playing hard to get works when your date is already interested and when they already think you are “likeable” and nice, but are not yet passionate about you.
Try being a bit of a challenge for your date. You may be seen as more desirable. Think about it like this. When people have what they really want, they want it all the more, right?
If your partner is not committed, playing hard to get can backfire. Given this, it’s better to be friendly, pleasant, and straightforward and to increase your ‘likeability’. By doing this they can get to know more about you, who you are and what you stand for. And how is this done best? Here are some key steps to be more likeable on your date-
5 ways to be more likeable on your date:-
- Be curious and interested in them
Likeable people are always interested in what others have to share with them. They enjoy learning about them and value what they can learn from everyone.
Listen to what people say to you. Try not to get distracted or too keen to speak out when someone is sharing their stories or telling you something. People enjoy talking to you because you are always respectful to the person with whom are speaking.
Smile when you meet someone. People will feel happy and lighten up with your company, because you possess a friendly and upbeat nature. A date will want a repeat performance, trust me!
- Be Positive and Upbeat
Negativity sadly abounds in the world today. It’s in the news and it appears on the movies we watch and on Facebook and twitter feeds of our friends. Be a positive voice in a world where everyone sounds a bit glum. You will be a pleasure to talk to. And your date will want to talk to you again!
- Be confident
Be confident on your date. You don’t want to be arrogant, but you also don’t want to come across as shy or scared. Confidence comes down to how you feel in your own skin. Take care of yourself, dress in clothes that make you feel good, and talk about the things you understand. You will come across as very compelling!